You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
