next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
