He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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