I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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