its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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