I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize