I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you didnt know i had herpes?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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