Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
