my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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