its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my being single is dangerous.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
