i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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