He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
