I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
