wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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