New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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