We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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