i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
