is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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