why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
