oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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