my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
