no one should ever give us hovercrafts
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
