I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
