Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
