My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Alive.
So much puke
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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