wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
