Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
