arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
