...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
