Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
