Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
