You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
