the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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