Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
