Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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