I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
