My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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