eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
