Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
