dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
