I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
they're like a gay fantastic four
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
