It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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