I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
