It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
