Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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