We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
