I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
