OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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