Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
