She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
